Mothers-in-law! Movies love to ditch on them, society demonizes them, and even friends and family whisper cautious warnings. History contains a lot of MIL/DIL horror stories and your guards are up. But does it have to be this way? How do you approach your relationship with your partner’s mom without having a predisposition of any kind? It's surely no easy feat! In between your wedding planning and the chores, spending time with loved ones(both yours and your spouse’s) can become a bit challenging and it's only natural. There are now two families to contend with, each with its own quirks, traditions, and dynamics. Perhaps one of the trickiest relationships to navigate, though, is the one between you and your mother-in-law. 

There’s no “right” way to have a relationship with your mother-in-law. You might hit it off right from the beginning, or you may find that you never really have a breakthrough and become friends. That’s okay, but there’s always room to bond with your mother-in-law and make your relationship stronger. Having a good rapport will make life easier for you, your mother-in-law, your partner, and everyone else in the family. Luckily, there are lots of ways to bond with her; some are about fostering emotional intimacy and others are about spending quality time together. If you’re struggling to get close to your mother-in-law, here are some ideas to get you started. Who knows, you might end up being the best of friends, and gain a valuable family member who enriches your life for the better!

Check-in

Life can get busy, with work and various different responsibilities. However, if you want to keep your mother-in-law close to your heart, remember to pick up the phone and check in on her. Whether it is a quick call after the day, or an extended check-in on the weekends, sometimes all they want to know is that you thought of them and picked up the call. While it might be a difficult habit to get into at first, soon you will find yourself looking forward to those weekend calls, catching up on life updates, sharing any concerns, or just making plans for the future!

Cook Together

If the heart of the home is the kitchen, that’s a great place to start bonding with food. Offering to help is always a good way to create warmth. Next time you’re over, see if you can help her prepare a meal. If not, keep an eye out for other ways you could lend a hand—maybe she needs help gardening or watching after some younger family members. Just look for a way you can assist. Have your mother-in-law teach you how to make a recipe that's been around for generations or that she cooked while your partner was growing up. It will make for an intimate bonding experience, and you'll inherit a valuable family tradition.

Ask Her Questions About Her Life

This may appear to be little, but it is of the utmost significance. We tend to overlook the reality that our partner's family members have their own lives, experiences, and interests because we only see them as extensions of our relationship. Therefore, you should strive to ask your mother-in-law additional questions about herself. Try to ask your mother-in-law some non-invasive questions (you don't want to appear as though you're prying), and see if you can get her to reveal more information about herself. This is true regardless of whether she owns her own company, came from a unique background, or has a wide range of hobbies.

Go to a Movie or Play Together

If you really have trouble making small talk with your mother-in-law, plays or movies can be a lifesaver. It’s a way of spending time in the same space and experiencing something together while keeping conversations to a minimum, as you spend most of the time sitting in silence watching something, after all. Afterward, you'll have an easy topic of discussion of how the movie was!

Ask Her for Advice

Making oneself vulnerable to the other person is another fantastic method to develop a relationship. It's not necessary to divulge all of your deepest concerns in order to form a connection with another person; merely seeking their guidance can be enough to do the trick. It does not have to be about something significant and life-altering (although it may be), but reaching out to her and asking for her assistance might help soften the situation, and it also demonstrates that you appreciate her viewpoint. It's a fantastic place to start, whether you're looking for a recipe or guidance for troubles at the office.

Host a Family Board Game Night

A night spent playing board games together might be a terrific way to bond with your significant other's family as long as they aren't overly competitive. To begin, if you and your mother-in-law feel extremely far from one another, it might be helpful to engage in a group activity before you spend some one-on-one time with one other. Second, there are very few activities in life that are as illuminating as watching another person play Monopoly. You'll have some new experiences to look back on, and at the same time, you'll learn a lot about one another.

Plan a Spa Day
A day at the spa is another opportunity for connecting that doesn't have to entail a lot of emotional sharing, so it's a good idea to invite your mother-in-law if she enjoys being pampered. Make reservations for some manicures, massages, or both for a special occasion like Mother's Day or a birthday. Because everyone has a better time when they're more relaxed, you could discover that the conversation flows more easily than you initially anticipated.

Talk About Your Partner’s Childhood
There is a strange, underlying sense of competitiveness that might exist between you and the mother of your spouse. This can happen rather frequently. Even though they brought them up and were close to them in the past, it's likely that your partner considers you to be the most significant person in their life at this point. You can show your appreciation for the fact that your mother-in-law has been there from the beginning of your relationship with your partner by talking about your partner's childhood, looking at old photos, and maybe even exchanging embarrassing anecdotes about each other. It is a nice way to indicate that you appreciate how significant their relationship and history are, which may go a long way, and it is a good approach to show that you understand their past.

Register for a Fun Workout Class
If you and your mother-in-law share a passion for working out, you might want to consider enrolling in a group fitness class together. It may be something as easy as yoga, or it might be something as challenging as high-intensity interval training. Plan on going out for smoothies or coffee afterward, so that you may relax and converse with one another while doing so. The activity will provide you with a solid foundation upon which to build the conversation.

Engage in One of Her Interests and Hobbies

Whether it's pottery, yoga, gardening, or rock climbing, expressing interest in your mother-in-law's hobbies may be a really effective peace offering. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you show genuine enthusiasm for it. If they are a private person or you get the impression that they would rather engage in a solitary project, it is probably best to steer clear of them; however, if they are open to having a partner, you might offer to join in if they are interested.

Take a Hike or a Walk
It may be that many of us do our best thinking while we're moving, or it may be that being outside gives us a modest boost of endorphins. Either way, a decent stroll, and some fresh air have a way of getting the discussion going. Going for a stroll without a specific purpose in mind, such as "We're doing this because we need to bond," relieves some of the pressure. In its place, simply seize the moment when the time and weather are good and begin the bonding process by asking some general questions to each other.

Go dress shopping for her

Include her in the wedding activities and make a special shopping trip for your mother-in-law for your bridal dress shopping. This is one planning day where she can be the center of attention! Make a few appointments so you and your future mother-in-law may take your time and enjoy the experience. Make her feel engaged and important if she is shopping alone or lives in a different city by asking questions about what she plans to wear or having her send images of her dress, but don't criticize her choices. Remind her that most salons do not offer special occasion dresses off the rack; they must be purchased, so start planning at least 6 months in advance!

Inviting her to join your Pinterest Board
This could be one of the most straightforward methods to incorporate your future mother-in-law in your special day! Don't we all have Pinterest boards dedicated to our dream weddings, photo ideas, hairstyles and dress trends? Make a board for her and allow her to contribute; you can even have her pin some of her own ideas. This is also a good tool to utilize before inviting her to appointments so she can get a better picture of your preferences and vision for the big day. Inviting her to pin her own ideas could even open your eyes to new and imaginative concepts you hadn't considered before!

Have open and honest discussions

Above all, this is true! You can only form a basic, transparent bond with your mother-in-law if you are open and honest with her. Practice the exercise of open communication from the beginning of the relationship so that you don't bottle up your feelings, which can slowly brew into resentment. Furthermore, this is the most effective technique for getting to know her and vice versa. We don't realize it very often, but the tiniest of details may have a huge impact on individuals.

Express yourself
Having a strong opinion and standing by your beliefs add character to one’s personality, and a well-meaning mother-in-law will want nothing less for her son’s partner. Of course, you want to be liked, but it doesn't mean you should compromise your ideals. It's perfectly acceptable to hold opposing viewpoints as long as you don't get all up trying to persuade everyone that your way of thinking is correct and theirs is incorrect. Your in-laws are likely to respect your commitment to things that are important to you.

Respect your fiancé
While respect is important in every relationship anyways, it is especially important to speak of your to-be husband in a respectful manner when talking to his parents. If you're criticizing their child, any parent will find it difficult to like you. Even if your husband is cool with you teasing him about his horrible culinary skills, the in-laws might not laugh with you, at least not until you've all gotten to know each other. While healthy banter and teasing add fun to a couple’s life, remember to keep it under control when in the company of his parents.

Everyone's dynamic with their mother-in-law is unique, and it's possible that you will probably end up being inseparable, or maybe you won't ever have a strong connection to yours despite your best efforts. However, making the most of opportunities to connect with one another whenever you have the chance will help you feel more a part of the same group. When in doubt, begin on a modest scale and work your way up; it is preferable to allow things to progress at their own pace rather than to try to force them. Just being in the same room as one another for some time can be a good starting point. You can start slow and take tentative steps in the beginning by asking about your partner’s childhood, looking at old photos, and maybe even swapping embarrassing stories about your partner. It’s a good way to show that you understand how important their relationship and history are, which can go a long way.